♥
Saturday, July 21, 2007
7/21/2007 11:23:00 PM
life's so screwed, so many things are happening. and stuff cant get any worse. all those people who heard about what happened thanks for caring and asking if im okay, but I dont know really, I dont feel okay, I feel so screwed up, everything is crap. called bestfriendd last night cause I serisously felt like dying, was crying 3/4 of the time, she was trying to make me feel better, but sighh idk how to make things better anymore. ily manymanymany bestfriendd, thanks for being there for me, to hear me whine and cry and trying to help me no matter what. talked to charlene last night, sorry I knew I was such a bitch complaining and all, and sorry for suddenly just going off, I really didnt feel like talking. things are screwed, I dont know what to do at all. if im serisouly such a pain to her, why cant she just disown me. I talked to daddy last night, cause he's the only one trying to make things better, but I dont think it really is working. I told him that I prolly wanna move out for a while cause I cant stand facing momma like that everyday. yesterday in the car after meeting ms wang, I tried talking nicely to her, and she was like " why should I even treat you nicely, you wanna know the truth? I haven even forgiven you yet and you should be lucky if i did." damn, I serisouly felt like just dying then, I desperately wanted to talk to bestfriendd. momma should have just killed me there and then, since that was what she was trying to do. I dont see a point living with her if what I do only makes her life miserable and so does what she do to me. if I move out, everyone prolly would be much happier. after friday night's performance, went home and yeahh I got hell. she took away my phone and found out about everything. daddy and her were ultra mad, she chased me out of the house, and I left, I was gonna get killed if I stayed anyway. I cried myself to sleep that night, and I couldnt call anyone cause I didnt have my phone. I dont know what to do anymore, everything
I do to try and make things better doesn't work at all. sighh, my eyes hurt so badly, I dont feel like performing tonight anymore, im simply not in the mood. I wanna talk to you so badly, so why wont you call. ******* im sorry that she text you, im sorry for what happened that night. I couldnt do anything to stop her, I hope your okay and that your leader still isnt coming after you, I'll be fine, you take care alrights. **** what happened friday night, im bloody sorry. I hope she didnt say anything to you or whatever. I know your prolly not gonna talk to me anymore cause she might find out, sighh. I just hope that she didnt say anything stupid to you luh, im sorry okay, I feel like a effing bitch seriously.
~I cried till I could cry no more,
life's screwed so you can
pull the trigger at my head now,
I wont mind, It might just
be for the better,
