drug love, je peux mourir

♥ Monday, September 03, 2007 9/03/2007 10:38:00 PM

I've got a livejournal now,yo(: http://reddddlollipops.livejournal.com (take note:there's 4 d's for the redddd) ahah! dont think I'll totally stop posting here, and I wont delete it either. so dont relink me or whatever mann, ferventyounglove's got tons of memories(: ahah. just think I'll be posting more frequently there. see you peepo on the other side, ahah!

♥ Sunday, September 02, 2007 9/02/2007 09:02:00 PM

I'm waiting for my macs to come, its taking super long. damn. so church today, was not bad. actually I only enjoyed worship, church drummer is hot shitzxz, yo(: stayd back for a while, cynthia had some weird project that she wanted all of us to do. stupidddd. left for grand's house after that, stopped by at city hall to get ULTRA BLOODY FRIKKEN NICE BUTTER TOFFEE COOKIES FROM MRS FIELDS, damn nice, and must try. bought three(: ahah! hols are hereeeeeee, damn but I've got a whole lot of studying to do, if I even get down to it, everytime I sit down and take out my books I dont feel like it anymore, ahah! see how far I'll go this hols, two pages maybe. I'm gonna cut my hair on tuesday cause its so fugly now, yeahh been waiting for forever to go get it cut, I've waited for so long, I was tempted like a gazzilion times to cut it myself and do something with it, yeahh lucky I didnt(: finally got the clutch that I wanted, chantal got the same one(: macs just came, I dont feel like eating anymore-.- going to the cuppycake shop tmr morn(: their cupcakes are effing cuteeee, ahah!

I miss youuuuuu(:

♥ Wednesday, August 29, 2007 8/29/2007 09:52:00 AM

my eyes hurt like shit, yo. everyday's been rainingggg, its bloody gloomy and gloomy days make me depressed mann. the weather ain't helping at all, shit. End years, are frikken near, damn, I hardly even started studying. ilove lis, I wanted to call her last night cause stuff happened mann, and I was crying again. damn, I think I'm bloody weak. friday school's finishing on 10 on friday. going back to school, and I'm gonna meet chantal after that man. she's hella funny, last friday was the bomb babe. donut factory(: I'm gonna buy a manymanymany donuts, cause chantal has suddenly gone all donut crasy. damn, cant really blog much now. having art in the comp lab.

Baby, won't you listen now,
Can't you see just what I'm talking 'bout?
Time went on, and I was wrong
To keep my distance for so long
So afraid you wouldn't stay
But you never turned away
Always right by my side
You're forever in my life
Don't you go'Cause now I know
That in you I found a home
Now I can see into your eyes
Suddenly, I realize
I see that I'm in love with you
Now, I hope you finally understand

loving you is so damn hard, but I'll never give up

♥ Sunday, August 19, 2007 8/19/2007 04:53:00 PM

changed skin, cause chantal told me that my old one was the same as kerin, gross manzxzxz. I like this skin, its bloody cute(: skipped church today cause I felt like I was gonna puke like a gazillion times, and I was at BV alrdy-.- so cabbed home, I swear I was frikken giddy. so today's bloody boring, I spent the whole day rotting at home. I didnt even touch my books, ohhmygahhhh, I'm gonna fail everything and the principal's gonna ask me to drop out, bloody shitzzzzzzzzz. dad was super -___________-" today, I didnt go to church and he was frikken angry. convo went like this:
dad: why are you not going to church?!
me: cause I'm damn giddy, and I feel like puking.
dad:you dont come and kid me luh! its cause your late right! wl, I tell you to go okay! GO GET THE FREE PEN FOR ME!
me:-__________-" go for wht! the pen like shit somemore,
dad: it looks like montblanc(?)
me: you got dont know how many montblanc pens alrdy!
dad: wahlao ehhhhhh,
end of convo.
ahah! yeahh, dad's weird. the free pen that they gave for the anniversary thingy is kenasai somemore, it doesnt even look like montblanc(?) wl, sometimes ah, my father can be so -.-"
so anywayyyyyyy, sexxaye I hope your okay, you being so depressed and all, is worrying me mann. school tomorrow): damn, I dont feel like going at all. SURPRISINGLY, I did all my homework. okay scratch that, I just remembered I have that bloody science project on telling people the danger's of smoking. wl eh, sometimes uh, I wonder why do so many of this projects for wht, not like smokers are gonna stop smoking, yeahh so this projects are just wasting my time mann, you teachers uh, so boliao. talking to ahem now, yeahh and I think wht she said is effing true. I dont even know why I still bother hanging on to the love that I'll never get, yeahh and I wont even stand a chance. yeahh I think I'm damn stupid for even thinking that there might be a chance, but sometimes its not so easy to just give everything up like this. dammit, screw love, your screwing up this goddamn life of mine.

hanging on so dearly to the love I'll never get,
no, I dont want to face the truth, I never want to
cause sometimes, the truth hurts so badly,

♥ Friday, August 17, 2007 8/17/2007 09:47:00 PM

yeahh, today's dont know how screwed luh seriously. lessons bore me like shit, stayed back after school. some stuff happened, dammit. sighh, I mean the guy played you alrdy luh, idk but both of you shouldn't give a damn about him anymore. I know its damn hard to forget him, and you prolly still like him. but he's not worth it at all luh, some kinda shit guy who plays with you only. ahh, idk luh. but its between the both of you. sexaye, is frikken depressed, yo): yeahh I know how you feel luh, dammit. I really really really really really wanna meet you tomorrow, I need to let it all out. yeahh, I miss you like shit mann. and the frikken depressing song that you send me is playing now)': why the hell are we listening to depressing shit songs that make us feel worse?! "he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar):"DAMN, ily like I've never love anyone before girlfriend. cheer up okaaaaaaay, its like your sad, I'm sad, the whole bloody screwed up world that I have no effing choice but to live in sucks. at times like this, I feel like maybe I should have really drop out, but idk luh. dont slit okay, please dont, if your going to can you at least tell me, I'll slit with you okay)': screw this world that I live in, screw everything mann.ily tons.
to you: I dont know if I have feelings for you luh, loving you's so hard seriously, idk why I even bother hanging on when I know that in the end, when I hear the bloody truth from you, I'm gonna cry my eyeballs out and prolly, slit till I bleed to death luh. wtf, I feel like doing that now seriously. screw you, I effing hate you, wth are you so nice, if you dont even have feelings. "When you're goneThe pieces of my heart are missing youWhen you're goneThe face I came to know is missing tooWhen you're goneThe words I need to hear will always get me through the dayAnd make it okI miss you" screw love;screw you; why the hell do you have to do this,

♥ Wednesday, August 15, 2007 8/15/2007 08:19:00 PM

ugh, okay haven't blogged since forever, and I'm feeling so bloody moody and in no mood to blog cause of somebody who pissed me off so bloody bad. anyway, I'm lazy so here goes

momma sent me in the morning
was bloody tired, I think I almost rolled down the stairs.
talked to sohee, went to the toilet, stoned there-.-
went down for assembly, vanessa ran like mad from the prefect, she anyhow ask everyone to pull up socks luh.
ms wang wanted to book me for my skirt again, and cause I was reading a letter during devotion
sometimes I feel like squeezing all that fats out of her, you cant blame me/
lessons were boring
didnt do that well for CT I think, all thanks to the effing hard comprehension behind.
I didnt even finish it,
lessons were boring, yo
recess, I'm trying to save money(:
home-ed, was on the comp the whole day
found out some stuff, bitch.
I bet your gonna get it from me, yeahh your dead, yo(:
bloody idiot, anyhow insult people.

he looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see

That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be

I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about

And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cuz It's so damn funny

That I can't even see anyone when he's with me

He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right

I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar

The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star

He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

he walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?

And there he goes, so perfectly

The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love

Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky.

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light

I'll put his picture down and maybe

Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar

The Only one who's got enough of me to break my heart

He's the song in the car I keep singing don't know why I do

He's the time taken up but there's never enough

And he's all that I need to fall into...

he looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

♥ Saturday, August 11, 2007 8/11/2007 11:26:00 PM

I'm going to school on monday(: I've never been happier to go to school, ahaha! but, I've only been allowed to go cause the principal said she'll only let me go after I've taken the end years, and my parents said that they dont want me hanging arnd at home doing nothing, for 6 more months while they're still figuring everything out. and if I'm gonna stay for next year and all that, I'll have to do damn bloody good for end-years, A's for almost everything. if not, I'm leaving, confirmed. and the principal's so darn irritating, to hell with her. idk how I'm gonna get mostly A's when I'm getting D's and C's and failing now. knowing myself, and I have 1 and a half more months to go? how the hell am I gonna get A's, shittt. I need all the tuition and help I can get, cause I dont wanna leave, and I'm not gonna leave, I dont care. dammit, school sucks, but at least things are starting to look up luh, if I work hard, and miracles really do happen, I'm gonna get A's. my chinese is shitt, I'm not even gonna bother getting an A for that, I mean F9 and you expect me to pull it up to an A1/2 in ONE AND A HALF MONTHS?! uh, not gonna happen. unless someone tutor's me like crasy everyday, but even so, dont expect me to be home everyday. lit, geog, maths, I dont think I have a problem getting a B3 maybe. bio, uh, idk. shittt, I have to work super hard, omggggg. damn, screw the school.

~maybe the stars did help(: ahaha,

♥ Wednesday, August 08, 2007 8/08/2007 04:16:00 PM

meeting with the principal was mgoifjglkdgjmk, wl, I hate you luh, you should just go die luh seriously. okaay, so she said that if I wanna drop out, I can just go ahead with it. wthhh luh, I mean its like telling my mum its okay for me to drop out, and the more my mum's gonna do it now): damn. I cant even imagine not going to school, after having gone to school for like all my life. and how about all my friends, ohhhmygahhh. screw this world that I live in, sanity runs off in my head, I think I'm going crasy, and with all that's happening I think I'm choking up. gawd, living here is so hard, I wanna go to the moon(:

~its you that keeps me going,

♥ Tuesday, August 07, 2007 8/07/2007 09:31:00 PM

I've cried till I could cry no more

my life's so screwed, my eyes hurt like crasy, I've cried till I could cry no more. I dont wanna leave all of you, thinking about it just makes me feel so ugh. I cant even imagine how it'll be without all of you. I'm gonna go back to see the principal tomorrow): I really wanna meet up with all of you, I hope it wont be the last time though): I'm regretting whatever I've done, if I've never done all of that, maybe my life wont be so messed up as it is now, maybe I wouldn't have to drop out. but I dont see the point in regretting everything there is now, because there's nothing I can do to change it. it hurts so much to have to leave all of you, it hurts to have to go through this, idk how long more I can take it. life's so tough, its so hard trying to go through this. I have no idea how to make things better, everytime I try things always get worse. I dont know what to do now, wht's gonna happen to me now. people say that the good in life would come in just a matter of time, but how long have I been waiting, and still the good never shows. maybe life just ain't worth living anymore,

to ***;*******

ily babes, idk what I'll do without all of you, after what has happened recently with my friends, you guys have been there for me through out. just thinking of the times we had together makes me so darn sad, ******* I'm not gonna run with you next year anymore): there's still so many more good and bad time's I've yet to share with you, I cant believe I'll be leaving now. I dont care, we're gonna meet up. ily you tons babe, I'll visit whenever I can.

*** now that I'm leaving, I'll have no one to cry to, bitch with, whine to, slit with, laugh with, omggg, I cant even IMAGINE leaving you. I'm sorry, I know I promised you that I'll stay with you through out this four years, but now this happens. talking to you and ******* just now, made me cry so badly afterwards. what will I do without all of you, I dont care, we're gonna meet up, cause I'll die without all of you.

to the clique,

I'm sorry, I know we've fight recently, I know that whatever I've done has hurt you all. I know I've been a bitch, but I'm sorry, now that I've gotta leave, I cant help but cry and remember of all the times we've had, the fights and all. I know we never like the fights, but I cant help but realise that it has actually brought us closer together, I dont know about patching back together this time, but even if this might be the end of our friendship, I wanna let you all know, I love you guys okay, I'm sorry for everything.

& to you,

its thanks to you guys that I probably didnt go crasy(: ahaha, at least I know there's people I can go to, remember you said you'll lend me money if I ran away(: ahaha, I'll hold you to that!(:

♥ Sunday, August 05, 2007 8/05/2007 12:48:00 AM

two days, one night. new record.

yeahh okay, sorry. I know you're all prolly gonna think that I'm trying to get sympathy from everybody, from the whole wide school and whatever. idk, what to say really. things are so complicated, idk how to explain everything to all of you anymore. I'm sorry if you all felt I used you, cause recently I've been hanging out with them. but the only reason I did that was cause you all seemed damn pissed with me, I didnt even know how to go talk to all of you. I know you all think I'm a bitch always thinking I'm not in the wrong. that's not true really, I know this thing is my fault, everything is my fault, I shouldn't have gone with them. I didnt talk to all of you, cause I thought that I rather have all of you cool down first, I didn't wanna explode into another fight like last time. yeahh you know, actually sometimes I really feel damn extra, as in you guys have known each other for dont know how long, and whenever we fight, I'm usually the one who takes the shit and all. yeahh seriously, if you all want me to go away I can. I dont see the point in me remaining, the last time we fought, it was so hard, it was the second/third time alrdy,why does there always have to be someone outside trying to intervene to help us solve everything.we always never have the motivation to go thrash things out and try make everything better, I know it sounds damn lame,but you all mean the world to me, and losing all of you sucks so badly. I dont want something like the last fight to happen again, but it seems like everything's just repeating itself. no, they aren't my better friends, they cant replace all of you at all.I know whatever I say now, you all would just think that I'm a bloody hypocrite. but still, I know how many times I say sorry wont work. I know whatever I do to try make things better would never work. I'm sorry for hurting all of you, I didnt mean to make all of you feel that I'm just making use of all of you then dumping you. I know that all of you feel I'm really not one of your true friends cause of what I've done, but there's nothing much I can say anymore, I know you all think that I'm a bitch for whatever I've done recently, idk. its hard going through all this again, I dont know if I cant take it anymore. about patching back, I dont think that it'll happen again. I think time has proved itself, we were never meant to be friends maybe, and I know you agree with this, cause its what you said, and maybe for the last time, we'll agree on something.

~I've hurt myself, by hurting you,

♥ Friday, July 27, 2007 7/27/2007 09:28:00 PM

just came back from big walk thingyy, was tiring mann. ahah! but wasn't that bad. chloe didnt come though, she woke up at 730? ahahah. lazy assssss, okay didnt blog yesterday so I shall start with it.

friday

had killer cramps, sat at the same spot for an effing ten minuets I think, was damn pain luh, could hardly walk till faith dragged me down to get the hot water bag(: thanks faithhhhhh. paid attention during chinese, surprisingly, ahah! maths was boring, geometry suckssss, and I forgot to do my homework luh, rushed like crasy to copy sohee's one. recess, I didnt eat that much(: whooo I'm happyyyy, ahaha! language arts was stewpidd luh, idiot wang's lessons are boringgggg. her competitions are lameeee. ahaha! shall not go on about it luh! geog, yeahh we got a scolding again luh, cause we went to the theatrette late, ohhmygahhhhhh, I dont know wht's ms. s ho's problemmm, she say we waste her time, she's wasting her own lessons by giving us a 30 min lecture everytime when we are ALRDY late. godddd. assembly was weird, everyone was awfully quiet, and it was raining, and I was feeling hot and cold at the same time, goshh, is it the weather or just me? ahaha! dance was a-w-e-s-o-m-e, training ended quite late though, close to 7, yeahhh home-ed after that. dinner sucks to the ultra maxximummzzzzzz.

today

was suppose to wake up at 530 for the city walk thingy, but damn the stupid alarm clock, I woke up at 7. didnt reach that late though, I thought I was gonna be effing late, called joanne cause couldn't find where they all were. I tell you, the padang is frikken gross early in the morning ESPECIALLY after it rained, omg luh. the ground was muddy shitzzzzz, gross okay. finished quite early, macs for lunch, wanted to go with joanne and the rest to watch muveeeeee, but had to come home early cause char;trishna;asyiha coming laterr, we gotta figure out our dance. then off to meet risaaaa and chloe after that at holland, dinner then gonna watch lis concert, I have no idea where it is actually. shittt, I hope I dont get lost later mann. ahah!chloe&risa staying over. char they all coming again tomorrow, not gonna go for church. I miss _____ like crasyyy, ohhmyygahhh, yes, your oh-so-sexaye(: & iloveyouuu.

♥ Thursday, July 26, 2007 7/26/2007 07:20:00 PM

The clique's my happy remedyyyyy, stayed back with them today. went to swirl then coro, damn I'm serisously eating ALOT nowadays okay, like effing alot, dammit. I'm so bloody fat now okay, I need to work out, I need to lose weight! ahhh damn. swirl is the bombzxzxz, the ice cream there is like ULTRA nice please, omg, I wanna work there, free ice cream everyday(: ahaha! eh wait, no cannot luh, I'm suppose to lose weight, shit. okay okay, cannot anyhow eat alrdy. trina, eh woman your so gonna get it from me luh! ahahah! you made me frikken wet! and its water from the tree somemore, wl bloody gross can. ahahah! science was bloodyshitt. gay shitzzzz made me stand the whole effing lesson, dammit, I was having damn bad cramps okay! dammit, I hate him. he's eyeballs are SO big, I feel like gorging them out of that bald head of his luh seriously, language arts was so sgjpeofgjpoas ugh! damn, ms wang sucks to the maxx. forgot I had tuition today, luckily I came home early luh, If not tutor gotta wait for me again. wahh damn paiseh please.omg omg omg omg omg, my dance is so screwed up, ahh! I'm gonna diediedie! I dont know how to get the routine all ready, shittt! deadline's so fffff near somemore! ahhhhhhhh! DAMN! brought my jacket today(: I didnt forget, ahah! dont feel like blogging anymoreeee, and I desperately need to pee anyways. ahahah!**** dont get so pissed over ------ she's not worth all that, she's the one who's getting all worked up and everything. if you try to apologise and all but she's still dao-ing you and stuff then dont continue anymore luh, obviously she doesnt care about what you do anymore, just let her be if this is how she wants it. there's nothing you can do to change it luh, just leave her for a while, maybe when both of you calm down then maybe she'll come talk to you, chill pill, yo(: she aint worth all that,

♥ Wednesday, July 25, 2007 7/25/2007 07:54:00 PM

ohhmyygahhhh! weather's serisously cold! I need to remember to bring my jacket tomorrow! damn, knowing how forgetful I am, I'll prolly forget it again luh! school was fine, geog test was so-so. nothing that I studied for came out! it was all on the river thingy, wl quite hard luh. nvmm its over alrdy, who cares. that gay shitzzzz didnt come for science, so we had free period. art after that, art is always boring serisously. recess was quiet, there was like really really little peepo in the canteen. skipped the first part of humanities with trina to go photocopying some quiz for my house. humanities ms ho spent 40 min talking about our class attitude again okay, wtf its serisously DAMN annoying, every lesson come in will talk about that one lor. and its frikken boring, cant stand it. maths, I keep forgetting to bring my compass(?) thank god for tiffany though she's irritating 3/4 of the time, she lent me her spare. geometry sucks to the maxximummzzz, and I cant get angle bisectors right. its just plain troublesome. lunch-ed with trina;tricia;risa;felicia. the auntie sold sushi again, okay school sushi isn't that nice, but its still sushi luh! ahaha. dance was cool, we're doing that christmas dance thingy for cluster arts, I think its weird and would rather do the hip hop routine, but mrs tan damn stubborn luh, wl. dammit. shopping with charmaine and sarah on monday for the costumes, haven't really decided wht its gonna be yet. ahh damn, my week's super pack, cluster arts is driving everyone crassy, I've got two items to practice, and the hip hop one hasn't even really been put together yet. shit, dead or dead. I wanna pon school tomorrow mann, killer cramps dammit. anyways, Tablo is THE SEXX he's frikken sexaye and he's so hot, he's english is power luh please! korean somemore okay, ahhh he's rapping and singing is like, ULTRA GOOD, he's the bombzxzxz, I wanna marry him, AHAHAH! yunhi! give up mannnnn(: LMAO. I'll put the vid of him up here someday, then all of you we'll know how good he is, ahaha! bet you all will go crasy too. watching Tablo makes me happyyyyyy. ahaha! I so wanna move to korea now okay! LOL.

♥ Tuesday, July 24, 2007 7/24/2007 06:42:00 PM

weather nowadays is friggen cold, I was literally shivering in the hall. then the school still on air con! wl, lucky bridget lend me and risa her jacket luh, If not I'll have died there please, lips blue and all. okay weird. lessons were boring, I tried to stay awake during science by stuffing my face with a 4597502 sour power, my tongue hurt after that. damn. language arts after that, we did reflection on some empathy thingy. I hate this damn screwed up school, everything also ask us to write reflections lor, do something wrong, ask you write reflections, do something right, still ask you write reflections. wht's their damn problem mann, like to write reflection so much they go write themselves luh. D&T was crap, didnt expect to start crying luh, I mean I was thinking about the stuff tht happen, and suddenly I just cried. Lis they all thought I had really really bad sore eyes, according to what I told them luh. Told risa and chloe the same thing too, I felt damn down. seriously, cherish's are all bad mood nowadays. damn. IH test tomorrow, chloe chiong like crasyyy okay, dont fail! I want you to go out with us! I cant screw mine up also luh, but I still know no matter how many times I say I wont, in the end I always will. shyaatzz. stupid friendster, what's the effing problem with it luh, I got a gazillion photos to upload but you're signing me in and out randomly when Im in between uploading photos. wtf! dammit. if friendster was a person, I would grab you by the neck, choke you, strangle you, throw you on the floor, step on you, jump on your stomach till you die. I'm evil D: I realised im getting more and more violent, okay who the hell would care. whatever, I'll just continue living this screwed up;violent;stupid;irritating;annoying life that I have to live, but I've got the clique, and they're my happy remedyyyyy(: being with you peepo make me the happiest person aliveee.

♥ Monday, July 23, 2007 7/23/2007 07:26:00 PM

school was crappy today, I screwed my oral up big time, I think. I wasnt in the mood to do anything at all, risa;trina;chloe kept asking if I was okay, ily you all manymanymany, you guys are the besttttttt. lets just hope that this thing blows away quickly, I cant stand it anymore, worrying about it everyday. dammit. went to tong shui cafe after oral with lis, ahh well, she was feeling down I was feeling down. we went mad eating. my eyes are friggen tiny, teeny weeny mann. gosh, damn pain somemore luh. damn. dont feel like schooling tomorrow, and tuesdays always suckk anyway. everything seems to suck nowadays, its friggen raining now, and there's lightning and thunder, the bubble tea that im drinking now sucks to the ultimate maxximummzzz, school sucks, life sucks, everything that im trying to make right is screwed. sexxaye, I'm sorry that I didnt read your sms, sorry for what's happening. I promise I'll be there for you no matter what alright, things are gonna be okay for you, you'll get throught this I know, dont worry so much alrighty? ily babe,

~If you leave me tonight

I'll wake up alone

Don't tell me I will make it on my own

Don't leave me tonight

This heart of stone Will sink

'til it dies If you leave me tonight

Don't you know My heart is pumping hope

It's putting out the fight

I got this feeling That everything’s alright

Don't you see I'm not the only one for you

But you're the only one for me,

~So bottle up old love

And throw it out to sea

Watch it away as you cry

A year has past

The seasons go

Please just don't play with me

My paper heart will bleed

This wait for destiny won't do

Be with me please I beseech you

Simple things that make you run away,

♥ Saturday, July 21, 2007 7/21/2007 11:23:00 PM

life's so screwed, so many things are happening. and stuff cant get any worse. all those people who heard about what happened thanks for caring and asking if im okay, but I dont know really, I dont feel okay, I feel so screwed up, everything is crap. called bestfriendd last night cause I serisously felt like dying, was crying 3/4 of the time, she was trying to make me feel better, but sighh idk how to make things better anymore. ily manymanymany bestfriendd, thanks for being there for me, to hear me whine and cry and trying to help me no matter what. talked to charlene last night, sorry I knew I was such a bitch complaining and all, and sorry for suddenly just going off, I really didnt feel like talking. things are screwed, I dont know what to do at all. if im serisouly such a pain to her, why cant she just disown me. I talked to daddy last night, cause he's the only one trying to make things better, but I dont think it really is working. I told him that I prolly wanna move out for a while cause I cant stand facing momma like that everyday. yesterday in the car after meeting ms wang, I tried talking nicely to her, and she was like " why should I even treat you nicely, you wanna know the truth? I haven even forgiven you yet and you should be lucky if i did." damn, I serisouly felt like just dying then, I desperately wanted to talk to bestfriendd. momma should have just killed me there and then, since that was what she was trying to do. I dont see a point living with her if what I do only makes her life miserable and so does what she do to me. if I move out, everyone prolly would be much happier. after friday night's performance, went home and yeahh I got hell. she took away my phone and found out about everything. daddy and her were ultra mad, she chased me out of the house, and I left, I was gonna get killed if I stayed anyway. I cried myself to sleep that night, and I couldnt call anyone cause I didnt have my phone. I dont know what to do anymore, everything
I do to try and make things better doesn't work at all. sighh, my eyes hurt so badly, I dont feel like performing tonight anymore, im simply not in the mood. I wanna talk to you so badly, so why wont you call. ******* im sorry that she text you, im sorry for what happened that night. I couldnt do anything to stop her, I hope your okay and that your leader still isnt coming after you, I'll be fine, you take care alrights. **** what happened friday night, im bloody sorry. I hope she didnt say anything to you or whatever. I know your prolly not gonna talk to me anymore cause she might find out, sighh. I just hope that she didnt say anything stupid to you luh, im sorry okay, I feel like a effing bitch seriously.

~I cried till I could cry no more,

life's screwed so you can

pull the trigger at my head now,

I wont mind, It might just

be for the better,

♥ Thursday, July 19, 2007 7/19/2007 09:06:00 PM

towned today with ****(: bought alot of stuff! momma's ultra niceeee(: she gave me lots and lots of KAACHING(: ahaha! vivo was the bestttttt, but im super bored of that place seriously, forever going there. but its okaaaaay, the shops there are the best. ahah! splurged at topshop, sale okay! the stuff there were like ohhmyygahhhhh frikken cheap! wanted to buy everything please!(: ahaha! bought new eyeliner at missha(: I miss wearing eyeliner and being all goth, ahah! jokingggggg(: LMAO. mango, zara, forever21, NUM. ahh damn, I think I went mad trying to buy everything there. ahah! school's dismissing at 1035 tmr(: yayness! ahaha! but training after that, blah. gonna reach home at about 9 tmr, damn sian luhhhhh. but trinaaa's gonna be there(: macs tmr? performnace on sunday, not sure if im going to church, kinda rush for me. ohh goshhhh, tmr's gonna be so hectic. rehersal and performance at night! have to find my way home after that, damn. talking to**** now, she just told me she ____, effing pissed. ahhh, ____ stop doing those stuff to yourself please, its so damn dumb. I know your all messed up about whatever's happening now, but ____ is a stupid thing, and you were the one who told me not to do it so why're you doing it now. if ___ comes and talk to you, tell her the truth, I dont think you should hide it from her anymore. i dont really know actually, but I'll be here alright(: no matter whatttttt. ahah! ily ______(: alrightsssss thats all, I'm suppose to sleep early cause tomorrow's gonna be ultra crazy! ahah, nights lovelies(:

♥ Wednesday, July 18, 2007 7/18/2007 10:00:00 PM

Racial Harmony day today, was quite crap. ahah! but they sold ice-cream so I guess it was okaaaaay(: fearon was champion house, like finally okay! ahaha! our recess got shortened, suppose to be one hour eh! then in the end some stupid teacher go shorten it to half an hour. damn. CT did NSW, dont know how many comprehension eh! I almost died please! humanities, mrs tay took away my book. bloody shyaatzz. dont know when she's gonna give it back to me): math was superr confusing, mrs khoo had to explain to me ten thousand times and I still didnt get it okay, omgggggg I need to do well for maths okay! ahh! chinese was alright I guess, everyone seemed to be paying attention, which is a first(: ahah! lunch with trina& risaaaaaa after that(: then that yunhi had to come tell me after I ate finish that leeanne(?) used tht bowl to wipe her mucus, so all of it was on that bowl. which was from the same stall, and they wash it all together. so yeahh I was prolly eating it, goddd. I almost puked okay! damn deeezzzzgussstinggg! I mean I dont mean to be mean or whatever, but its leeanne for godsake! dammit. ahah! rehersal's after that at 330, went earlier talked to jiahan and yunhi. laughed till my stomach was damn pain. ahaha! omggg! eh yunhi! now I keep thinking of that KRRR thing! LMAO!(: rehersal's were fine I guess, elizabeth scratched me after that eh! got blood please ahah! and then she punched my face and poke my eye-.- she's damn dangerous so stay away! ahahah! home-ed after that, ultra tired. ohh damn! fat wang just told us today that our oral is next monday! she should just go die okay! its trinity college oral exams eh, british examiners please! she should have told us earlier luh, and now we've got a whole lot of scripts to prepare. ahhh dead or dead! blah, and I wanted to do well for end-years, oral is gone case alrdy. shopping tomorrow(: I cant waittttt, ahah! yep that's about all, byee loveliessss<3

sexxaye laadaye(: remember next monday okay(: ahaha! I'll date you out, will call you on sunday. we're gonna spot truckloads of them okay, ahaha! hopefully(: cant wait, haven been out with you for forever! I know your not over ***** yet, but I dont think that you should be together with **** cause I think your just using **** as substituition for ***** , hmm yeahh. nvm I'll help you get over ***** ahah! chocolate okay(: chocz is THE best and I bet it'll help(: ahah! whooooo, im so gonna help you forget *****. ahah! dont worry anymore aye? any problems jsut come talk to me(: I know that you cant really ***** anyone anymore cause of yeahh, wht happened recently, but its okaaaaaay. I'll help you alrights(: lovessss!

♥ Tuesday, July 17, 2007 7/17/2007 04:44:00 PM

blogger's cocked, stewpidddd. deleted all my post and the page cant show up. think I've fix it though. hope so(: MS first thing in the morning, its so lameee. and its such a waste of time, I seriously dont know why this shitty school even has it. DOT's after that, ms wang was going nuts I think, hardly anyone was listening to her while she was trying to sort out class matters, but you cant blame anyone though, she's fat, she's boring. recessss, uh ate alot. felt like puking after that, wthhh is this man, im eating like ALOT nowadays. shyaaatz. lose weight! lose weight! lose weight! goshh yeahh I so need to do that. science, felt super giddy, sohee was drawing all over me-.- mr goh the one that gives a super bad impression of all gays of the world is so boring and he talks like a mouse. you gotta strain your ears to hear him, is SUPER BORING. lang. arts after that, was not bad(: first time that I think so(: but it was cause they were conducting oral practices so wang just gave us worksheets to do, was really slackk. D&T boring, and Lis drew all over me this time, so now I have marks everywhere. ahah! crazyyy. some toilet cleaning briefing after school, was plain weird. and air con and dark lighting only makes me sleepier. alrightss, nothing much. home-ed after that, I feel so sian nowadays. ahah! I need shopping luh(: im a girl, I like shopping, go do the math(: & I think that aligning my post to the right is oh-so-sexaye(: ahah! random.

alrighty, take care lovelies(: byeeeee.

~ & I remember the days we spent together were not enough,

we still feel like dreaming, except we always woke up

never thought not having you here would hurt so much,